WE SHOULD HAVE DONE IT ANYWAY ~ regret

In the spring of 2007, after Erin's leg surgery, we bought a puppy. The photo below was taken in April, when we went to visit the litter the first time. In the background you can see Erin's crutches, her constant sidekicks for three months after her radical procedure, as she was not allowed to take any weight at all on her leg for that period of time.

How can one choose when each is so irresistible?

Erin inspected them all.

NO, we can only get one!

That handsome little guy with the boxy head, sporting a green ribbon (hmmm) seemed pretty intent on getting her to notice him.


Keenan McGregor McCrory (The one wearing the green!) came to live with us in May.

You've seen Keenan included in photographs in many of my blog posts, specifically HERE and HERE, and more recently HERE and HERE, and also in my sidebar. The pictures can stand without a narrative, with just images capturing the gentle, patient, compassionate personality of this sweet animal.

It is difficult for me to articulate the importance of Keenan in Erin's life ~ in OUR lives. Those who are dog lovers might understand it a little better than others who aren't as affected by the allure of these creatures. Without going into volumes on the subject, which I could easily do, I'll simply say he played an integral part ~ was a steadfast ally giving solace when she didn't feel well, offered companionship when others retreated into their daily lives and lent vital support as she learned to cope with her many challenges. And he accomplished all of the above without saying a word!

I shared a story about one personal obstacle following her leg surgery HERE and told about the way he and Erin together came up with a plan. The remainder of that post touches on just one example of the ability he has to instinctively sense my need for comfort as I cope with Erin's death. I SEE her in his wise brown eyes and FEEL her in his compassionate gestures . That may sound crazy to some, but so be it.

Fully appreciating the ever-present challenges of navigating the crossover from cancer world to normal world on a daily basis, I try not to regret things I didn't do with Erin while she was sick. For the most part, I know I did the best I could, and the time to do "fun things" was so often interrupted by the ball and chain of cancer treatment and side-effects that she had to constantly drag with her, limiting her ability to partake in some desired activities.

According to the rules of her oncologist, Erin was allowed to swim in chlorinated pools, which she did - often. (She was a natural fish, loved the water and swam competitively for a number of years.) However, she was not allowed in potentially bacteria-ridden lakes. Due to doctor's orders, we stayed away from anything other than a chemically-bombed, germ-free pool. We didn't want to further aggravate her already complicated life by exposing her to yet something else that could cause an issue.

SO, since Erin couldn't go in a lake, we never took Keenan swimming. The thought didn't occur to us. Boy do I regret it! I've been trying to temper my disappointment by understanding the restrictions that a compromised immune system imposed on her. Looking back, the rebel side of me says, DARN IT ~ WE SHOULD HAVE DONE IT ANYWAY! (During those three years she never got sick - not even a cold! She probably would have been fine.)

Last Saturday, Dave and I drove down to the city to walk the path along Lake Shore Drive. Naturally, Keenan accompanied us. It was a hot morning, and as we strolled along we came to the new 41st Street Beach House ~ just built and very impressive. Click on the link to see some nice photos and scroll down to see the drinking fountain (click on it to enlarge) designed to accommodate adults, children and dogs. Nice touch! Keenan tested it.


As we looked at the posted sign on the beach stating "No pets allowed" we watched a dog leap into the water after a toy his owner tossed in. The beach doesn't officially open until 11:00am and it was earlier than that. That rebel WE SHOULD HAVE DONE IT ANYWAY side took over and the photos below tell the story.

All I could think about the whole time was how much Erin would love this.

Every single part of it.

And I deeply regret not having this experience with her...

I know this is water, like in my bowl at home.

It tastes good. I'm really thirsty after that long walk.

Why is it moving toward me and then going away?

I'm not sure I like this ~ kind of creepy!

You want me to go IN THERE? Seriously?

That's a ROCK, not a treat! Give me a bit of credit here!

My brakes are engaged.

Oh geez! She's wading farther into it.

Maybe if I look down the shoreline at that other dog, she'll be more concerned about me bolting down to visit him and she'll stop trying to get me out into this weird stuff that keeps moving around.

Oh boy. She took my collar off so she's serious.

Well, I do have to admit that the cold water really does feel good on my head.

It's so hot today! Ahhhh

She's calling that little twig a STICK?

She's now trying to convince me go out to her with THAT?

I'm getting there.

I know she's babying me, but I'm really a big fat chicken.

So what. There aren't many people here to see me.

Whoa ~ my whole body is in!

OK. I'll just walk up and down the shoreline with her.

My paws are still on the ground down there.

So far so good.

Hmmm this actually feels pretty nice.

Oh no. Here she goes with that pathetic stick again.

OK - I'm going to try to be very brave.

She REALLY wants me to do this.

I think I can. I think I can.

One, two, three, GO!

I DID IT! I DID IT! I DID IT!

Erin would be so proud of me.

Don't cry mama. It's OK.

Some people might not get this stuff,

but we sure do...