time elapses differently for the bereaved
it often creeps
 |
| lime caterpillar at bronswood |
as we sense the rest of the world rushing past us
we move slowly and purposefully through our days
with pronounced awareness of the fragility of life
and the significance of living in the moment
20 months today...
Lime green??? Interesting. 20 months, you are moving through, more aware of life, but with grace & style that inspire the rest of us.
ReplyDeletexxoo
So timely!
ReplyDeleteA young woman whom I know just posted an anniversary greeting to her husband and FB and said that the last 15 years have flown by.
Really? My impression is that the past three have proceeded at the pace of a snail who cannot creep.
Oh. That was me, signed in on a different email.
ReplyDeleteI'm so sorry she's no longer here. Each time you feel that sadness overtake you, indulge yourself in all the good and beautiful memories of Erin. Go through her photos and feel the joy in each picture. Then do something to make her proud. She did tell you to have fun, right? xo
ReplyDeleteI admire your strength and perspective on what is really important in life.
ReplyDeleteBRIGHT LIME to be exact. I'd never seen one like it. I put it on her pine tree and watched it climb. up up up
ReplyDeleteRobin, I live in your world... inch by inch.
Sandy, I do my best to honor Erin's wish to have fun and there are SO many good memories to think about, but there are times when I simply have to wallow. She just can't have her wish all the time, and sometimes a good feel-sorry-for-myself session is very therapeutic. You know, a good ugly cry! Then I blow my nose and move on... inch by inch.
And Fred, your cousin, the one and only (and dare I say "the venerable" from this Irish Catholic about this Jewish man) Doc Nach, was THE master at living in the moment. The lessons he taught me in the short nine months that Erin was under his care are tucked safely away and called upon during those challenging times. I still have his home and cell numbers in my phone. I can't erase them yet.
HELLOOOOOOOO!!!!!!
Mary,
ReplyDeleteYou will not believe this, but on my walk this morning, I stepped over a lime green caterpillar! I've never seen one before your picture yesterday. I immediately thought of both you and Erin - it made me smile and also reminded me to write.
The wedding photos are beautiful - you looked lovely, and you looked like you were having fun, and I'm so glad.
As wonderful and special a day as it was though, I know it was so hard without Erin. In the 2+ years since Caroline's death, 3 of her cousins have been married. Cousins that Caroline adored. Just as Erin would have loved and enjoyed every moment of Chris and Tasha's day, Caroline would also have been thrilled to be a part of her cousins' weddings. But there is an empty space now in all of the places where they would have been. It takes a lot of courage, focus and energy to see beyond those empty spaces and instead feel the joy of the day. You DID it, and Erin would be so, so proud!
With much love and understanding, Carol
(caroline's mom)
cb/carolineh
Also, I still have Caroline's doctor's cell and home numbers in my phone. He was a dear man, and even answered my few (but frantic) late night text messages. Loved him.
ReplyDeleteI understand - Carol
Carol, how cool that you saw one of those caterpillars! My picture stinks because I took it with my phone and sent it to my son who has a "good" phone. (I don't want a "good" phone because Erin picked my current one out for me so I might never get a new one, plus I don't want to be connected all the time.) Then he emailed it to me so I could download it - a lot of trouble for a little caterpillar, but worth it! It was such a brilliant green, almost neon.
ReplyDeleteAnyway (babbling here!) thank you for always understanding... and I'm so sorry about the reason you do. I'm sure Caroline is proud of you as well, as you live your life with her shining spirit inside you.
I'd like to think that somehow our girls have found one another, much like we have. It's a nice thought, isn't it?
And I'm glad to know I'm not the only one keeping doctor's numbers in my phone. I guess I'm not all that crazy... or else we both are!!!
xo
i haven't seen any lime green caterpillars but my sunflowers rival yours from last year!! 10 and 12 feet tall!! Ok I do admit to using miracle on them one time this summer but it was worth it!! Ali is going to send you a picture of them for me.
ReplyDeleteMartha
Got the picture from Ali, Martha. The sunflowers are spectacular!!! We dropped the ball on that one this year - between kidney surgery and new jobs and the shower and the wedding - yikes! Dave and I just said "we need to plant them again next year" after looking at the picture Ali sent.
ReplyDeleteThank you for bringing a little bit of Erin to your yard :) See you guys at Butler!
The wedding photos were beautiful, Mrs. Potts! Everyone looked great! I hope you are doing well and enjoying the summer and smiling often when you think of Erin.
ReplyDeleteLove,
Liz