When you are sorrowful look again in your heart,
and you shall see that in truth you are weeping for that which has been your delight.

~ Kahlil Gibran, from"The Prophet"

Saturday, February 20, 2010

One Must Begin Somewhere

I've been encouraged by many supportive friends to write, and so I'm jumping in with both feet, hoping to land on them. I intend to use this blog as an avenue of reflection as the dust of a three-year battle settles, and then learn to take the necessary steps to move forward from here. Erin was diagnosed with cancer on December 15, 2006. CANCER! Ewing's Sarcoma. She died on December 18, 2009. DIED!

Now, images of the past several years appear in my head, as though someone is relentlessly pushing the Scene Selection option on a DVD. Make it STOP! I'm trying to slow that down, select a scene, play & process, and then move on to another. Sometimes my writing will be a sharing of all things positive, good things happening now, examples of Erin's light shining as our family survives this blow and begins walking baby steps into a future absurdly skewed from where we expected to be headed. And there will be memories of joyful events from those three years, for there are many. Other times my words will be harsh, cathartic, purging...a puking of my grief as it takes me out at the knees.

Author, psychologist Florida Scott-Maxwell states
Life does not accommodate you. It shatters you.
It is meant to and it couldn't do it better.
Every seed destroys its container or else there would be no fruition.

The beautiful, symbiotic relationship I developed with my youngest child has ended. As I repeat to myself over and over, SHE'S NOT COMING BACK, our relationship now assumes a much different form; one no mother should be forced to comprehend, to build. There is no manual.

And so I attempt to find the ground...


  1. God bless you, Mary. And God bless Erin. We think about you often.

  2. Welcome to blogging! I pray that it will be a blessing for you; it has been for me.

  3. I'm glad you're blogging, Mare. I look forward to reading whatever you choose to share.

  4. This is a beautiful tribute to your precious daughter! Thank you for letting me know about this and I will follow it. I love the name: Landing On My Feet, because Erin will insist that all of you do just that!
    Love, Lin Bresnahan

  5. You are a wonderful writer Mare, even when writing about this most difficult topic. I look forward to reading your blog.

  6. So glad you decided to share your writing talent with the world. You are an amazing writer and an even more amazing mother. I look forward to following your blog.

  7. Thanks so much for sharing your story. I hope it helps not only you, your family and friends that know your long battle, but others who may be on this path now. Your e-mails during Erin's fight were written with so much love and passion, I am looking forward to following your blog.

  8. Wow, Mary! You are such a gifted writer, and your blog is a wonderful way to share your thoughts and feelings about your beautiful daughter, Erin. You have taken the most difficult of all situations that a parent faces and turned it into something positive.

  9. Mrs. Potts,

    I look forward to reading your blog. I have always loved your e-mails, so I can only anticipate wonderful posts on here! When I woke up this morning to the snow, I could only smile :)

    Love always,

  10. Hi Mom! I'm glad you decided to do this! Like I said to you already you are a great writer with ALOT to say! I know Erin is proud of you.

  11. You go Mar! Like mother,like daughter...you are one brave woman!
    Love, Irene O'

  12. Always in your corner! xo teri

  13. Love Lives On!
    I will read your blog often!

  14. I'm so glad to see you writing. You have a way with the written word that many of us dream to have! You are an inspiration to many who are traveling the same road, or possibly are on a different one. Congratulations, I look forward to reading,
    What a tribute to Erin!
    God Bless,
    Joanne Clancy

  15. Right foot, left foot. Right foot, left. Now, an occasional joyful skip joins the cadence as memories create a lightness of being with Erin in spirit. I walk with you in tribute to the miracle of Mother Love, and Erin.

  16. Mare, I think your writing will be a great outlet for you and an inspiration for many who will read your writing. I've passed along your blog site to several people already..who knows, maybe it will go viral. Jim

  17. Oh my beautiful Mary, what a wonderful way to share Erin and your story. You are one of the most incredible woman that I have ever known. I love you all Sue

  18. Mary and Dave, you have been an inspiration to us, and your support for us during our troubled times all the while dealing with yours is amazing. We will always remember Erin, from the days when she was a "tot" greeting our kids at your door to the time when she delivered a meal to our house when we needed it. much love Chris and Rick

  19. Thank you for continueing to share yourself with us. I'm so very glad you haven't faded into the sunset. We don't want to ever forget your beautiful Erin and what we can still learn from both of you. love Ann

  20. Mary -

    Every time I log on to your blog, I read your latest posts and cry like a baby (like I did when my father died). I took out a couple of tissues when I read the post about the dog and the socks, and then emptied the Kleenex box when you related the entire history of Erin's "battle with the beast."

    God bless you, Dave, and your family.

    Tony Mankus